The chair. It's the most evil device conceived by man. We love chairs because they are so comfortable, to varying degrees. The more comfortable, the better. But. They don't love us. When we get up, we feel that nagging ache or sharp pain which compelled us to sit in the first place. And we return to it to avoid that pain. Yet, it was the inactivity afforded by the chair that grew the dull pinch in our back into the raging weakness that stops us from playing with our kids, running with our dogs, otherwise being awesome specimens.
Chairs provide us with a false promise: interminable comfort until we get up. The chair is a negative feedback loop, -- it provides rest in a horrible position we don't think about until we have become shadows of our formerly vigorous selves -- like the climate catastrophe loops that will undo us all. Thus, I have decided not to sit in a chair for one year. What does this mean? Well, there are some caveats. I intend to avoid chair sitting whenever possible. This allows me to drive when necessary, take up offers of helicopter flights, and man shuttles in search of a new home planet. I will allow myself to lie on my bed, third-world squat, sit on the floor away from backrests, rest on exercise balls, and stand. I already use a Squatty Potty so, no, you didn't get me! This also means no restaurant booths or bar chairs. If I can't stand at the bar, I will stay home. Standing.
"Why do this?", you may ask. If you have to ask, then you should join me in this challenge. Unless you are the sort who is anal about how much chair time you afford yourself, you will benefit from a year without chairs. I stand 6 feet tall, a 46 years-old male who weighs 255 pounds. Prior to the 'Go Home and Stay There Order', I was feeling pretty good. My lower back strain was mitigated by weight training and taekwondo. Then I went home and stayed there, sat around too much, and ate too little. I figured, "Good! I'm tired of eating for gainz and I'll lose some weight." I stopped lifting. Depending on the day, I carried two to four bags of groceries home from the store for a quarter mile and called it good. It wasn't nothing, but it wasn't enough. When my taekwondo instructor got the clearance to hold socially distanced classes outside, I jumped. 6 days a week. My back began laughing at me and hasn't stopped for two weeks.
Our bodies are not mechanically suited to sitting in chairs, or maintaining positions for more than a few minutes. We toss and turn in bed all night long to prevent injury. Outside of a chair, every resting position becomes a stress and we are compelled by the threat of pain to move. If we can develop repetitive motion injuries, then chair sitting should be avoided for it is a repetitive motion. The Comfy Chair was spoofed by Monty Python as a dreaded torture device used by the Spanish Inquisition.
Tonight, I ate dinner while standing at my table. Tomorrow, it's no chairs for me if I can help it. Surely, some will ridicule, some will be dumbstruck, and others may praise. I'd rather they join me. Will you? Please, it is not necessary to hold a chair burning. It will probably hasten climate change if you do. Just stay away from the heinous creatures. You are not royalty, so you don't need a throne. You are a peasant. It's time you started acting like one!