Much Ado About Nothing

Ah, the titillation of not doing something, of not sitting in chairs. The pageantry! The thrill!! I am out of control!!!

I had been concerned for some time about an inexplicable pain in my right hip, where the bone presses into the lower back. It seems to have been subsiding since I banished chair sitting. Mystery solved?

We have been inured to sitting still for long periods since before we could walk. Forced into high chairs to be spoon fed various types of mush. Forced to sit for longer and longer periods of time as the school years passed, until we were sitting for more than an hour at a time, perhaps up to three hours depending on the occasion. If we were lucky, we would be paid to occupy a chair at a desk for several hours a day, with two fifteen minute breaks and an hour lunch, maybe. Sit, sit, sit. That seems to be one of the few lasting lessons of public schooling: sit down, be quiet, don't move. Then, if we were good children and collegiates, we would sit for more hours of study outside of class. And we would do it all so that someday we may be paid exorbitant sums to sit more than a human being ought. To counteract the effects of all this sitting in chairs we attend gyms, health clubs, and fitness classes so we can justify spending our evenings in lounge chairs after a hard day of sitting. "A man's home is his castle.", especially if his partner allows him to purchase and lounge in a comfy chair. The American Dream: a home to house your own Lazy Boy recliner in which to be entertained with bread and circuses.

My family routinely walks to the store, post office, bank, etc. Our town is roughly a one mile by one mile square. Folks often seem astounded that we walk our errands. Some attempt to take pity on us and offer us a ride. I find it a perversion of kindness to offer the able-bodied assistance when they clearly don't need it. One should think, "Yes, let them walk, carry that home; it will build strength, endurance, and character." So, the next time you find yourself conditioned to lend an unnecessary hand, don't.

I hope no one who ever tried to offer me assistance reads that last paragraph and says, "Oh. Ok. Fuck him, then!"